100 days – Day 50: the “jokes”

100 days – Day 50: a collection of really bad jokes posted by me on Facebook when on holiday in Istanbul


  • “You want Raki?” asked the barman. “Only if you have tennis balls”, I replied.   “No,” he replied, “just housemaid’s knee”


  • Tried to buy a Hookah – but the shop seller insisted that I “come upstairs” and meet his sister


  • Excellent fish restaurant meal one evening: deep fried crab balls ( bet that hurt), then sea bream with Glasgow salad (chips); spoiled only by an old guy who was on the fiddle (I kept my legs firmly crossed) who was joined by his fellow musician who was plucking his balalaika (disgusting!)


  • I asked at hotel reception if there was a nearby Christian place of worship that I could attend tomorrow – he replied, by asking: “you Cat’lick?”. I answered in the negative, but told him that I hug my dogs a lot


  •  So I asked this guy if he knew where the Golden Horn is; he said that he had no idea. However, he added that his somewhat promiscuous brother had a green one. The latter had claimed it was caused by verdigris, but since it had fallen off last week, his sibling thought that was probably not the case
  • Tried another shop to buy a Hookah – the guy behind the counter said, “So you wanna play around?”  I answered by saying that I didn’t have my golf clubs with me.
  • I tried to buy baklava today – it’s very sticky, but, at least, it’s not as itchy as the camouflage one I wear at home in the winter


  • Tried today to buy a ticket to cross the Bosphorus – instead was asked to bless a fertiliser factory


  • Tried to buy some pistachios today. I asked the shopkeeper to show me his nuts …. and,then, to my shock and horror, he started to take off his trousers
  • I noticed last night that my usual restaurant was selling a new brand of Turkish spirit. “What’s that Raki?” I enquired. The waiter replied that it was one of the junior staff beating the dust out of the owner’s carpet – and praying to the “god” of beer – Efes! Efes! – in a loud voice



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About meenister

An ordained Church of Scotland Minister since 1974. Started off in Doune which is near Stirling, before moving to Trinidad for four years; on my return to Scotland, I was a rural minister in Perthshire and then was asked to become Minister at St.Michael's Inveresk where I spent eleven happy years. A short ministry in Guernsey followed and since 1999, I was a full time healthcare Chaplain in the town of Dumfries in SW Scotland, retiring from that post in December 2012. I started this blog on 6 May 2012, soon after my wife, Helen, was diagnosed with secondary cancer - it was a sort of diversion and still is, following her death on 16 June. I hope it shows that there is a lighter side to religion, that it's not gloom and doom and that we can sometimes laugh at ourselves in a self-effacing way. Some posts are, however, I hope provoking and food for thought.

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