100 days – Day 50: the “jokes”

100 days – Day 50: a collection of really bad jokes posted by me on Facebook when on holiday in Istanbul

 

• “You want Raki?” asked the barman. “Only if you have tennis balls”, I replied.   “No,” he replied, “just housemaid’s knee”

 

• Tried to buy a Hookah – but the shop seller insisted that I “come upstairs” and meet his sister

 

• Excellent fish restaurant meal one evening: deep fried crab balls ( bet that hurt), then sea bream with Glasgow salad (chips); spoiled only by an old guy who was on the fiddle (I kept my legs firmly crossed) who was joined by his fellow musician who was plucking his balalaika (disgusting!)

 

• I asked at hotel reception if there was a nearby Christian place of worship that I could attend tomorrow – he replied, by asking: “you Cat’lick?”. I answered in the negative, but told him that I hug my dogs a lot

 

•  So I asked this guy if he knew where the Golden Horn is; he said that he had no idea. However, he added that his somewhat promiscuous brother had a green one. The latter had claimed it was caused by verdigris, but since it had fallen off last week, his sibling thought that was probably not the case

• Tried another shop to buy a Hookah – the guy behind the counter said, “So you wanna play around?”  I answered by saying that I didn’t have my golf clubs with me.

• I tried to buy baklava today – it’s very sticky, but, at least, it’s not as itchy as the camouflage one I wear at home in the winter

 

• Tried today to buy a ticket to cross the Bosphorus – instead was asked to bless a fertiliser factory

 

• Tried to buy some pistachios today. I asked the shopkeeper to show me his nuts …. and,then, to my shock and horror, he started to take off his trousers

• I noticed last night that my usual restaurant was selling a new brand of Turkish spirit. “What’s that Raki?” I enquired. The waiter replied that it was one of the junior staff beating the dust out of the owner’s carpet – and praying to the “god” of beer – Efes! Efes! – in a loud voice